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15 Hypothetical Scenarios that Would Put Me In Crisis

HI it's me, Taylor, the author of COLLATERAL DAMAGE (out 6/25 through Parliament House). COLLATERAL DAMAGE is a book about a sarcastic, panicky girl with no powers who lives in a city protected by superheroes, and as such, is pretty much perpetually in crisis. Being a professional background extra is hard, okay?

I do not happen to live in a city protected by superheroes, but to help you all get to know me as an author and a human being a little better, I thought it would be fun to examine the hypothetical scenarios that would ruin my hypothetical day as thoroughly as a supervillain takeover, bank robbery, or mutant rat infestation. HERE WE GO:

1) Someone from the internet records me working at my job as a singer at Disney World on a day when my voice isn't cooperating or one of the technical elements of the show breaks and uploads it, it goes viral, and everyone laughs at me

2) Tom Holland is in Orlando for god knows what reason but I miss it completely

3) The year is 2025, Miraculous Ladybug is still putting out new episodes, and Marinette and Adrian still don't know each other's superhero identities and no one has had any character development. "Set me free," I beg Jeremy Zag. "Marinette's mom gets a kwami next season," he replies.

4) It's summer in Orlando, which is anywhere from March-November, but I ignore the weather and get my favorite coffee anyway which is a snickerdoodle hot cocoa with two shots of espresso. It is a mistake and my insides melt

5) Sony decides they actually want Spider-Man back, thanks, and the MCU has to stop making Spider-Man movies

6) J.K. Rowling emerges from the retcon cave in a swirling twister of money to announce that she's writing a new spinoff series. "MARAUDERS?" everyone yells in desperate hope. "Filch x Mrs. Norris," she responds.

7) The year is 2058. Walt Disney Studios is still putting out live-action remakes. They've remade Beauty and the Beast a second time, this time to fill all the plot holes created by their first remake, but there is still no live-action Atlantis to be found. WHERE IS MY LIVE-ACTION ATLANTIS

8) My computer crashes and I lose all 40,000 words of my Little Mermaid x Treasure Planet in space WIP because I never back my work up even though I should and could because I have a hard drive chilling on the floor under my desk

9) I sew my hand to a piece of fabric because I love cosplaying but am Not Great at the actual costume creation bit

10) My heart overheats and explodes completely from Feeling Too Strongly about Star x Marco on Star vs the Forces of Evil, even though I'm also a vehement advocate for platonic m/f best friends and think there ought to be more of that in media it's very complicated okay

11) My Imposter Syndrome about being an author finally becomes its own sentient living being and eats me

12) The Very Tall, lethargically teetering stack of YA books next to my bed I haven't read yet but just keep adding to falls over in the middle of the night and crushes me in my sleep

13) I find a perfect lavender (favorite color) lace (favorite texture) 1950s (favorite era) vintage prom dress that's definitely too small but I buy it anyway and wear it to Dapper Day and promptly pass out like Elizabeth Swann at the beginning of PotC1 from not being able to breathe

14) I choke to death on my frozen dinner while trying to both eat and loudly criticize someone not using enough finesse while making handmade egg yolk ravioli on Master Chef at the same time

15) I go on a European vacation that carefully follows the Far From Home travel itinerary and get murdered by the ghosts haunting my Airbnb

THE LIST HAS ENDED. How do I end this post. Uh... what... things are most likely to cause you crisis?? Let me know in the comments?? This is going terribly here pre-order my book it's "a spunky and jubilant love letter to superhero fans" (according to Kirkus) and "I don't normally care about superheroes but it's pretty good" (according to my mom) and "really funny" (according to most of the other people who read it early). YAY

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